So What's the Deal with the Idea You Need to Sleep Alone? According to Human Design
Ok, so when it comes to our societal relationship to energy things can be a little complicated. While no one is denying the power of feeling energized, vibrant, and empowered in our daily lives, this idea has been used against us. Energy optimization is a bit like toxic positivity. The fact is with 70% of the population being Generator types, we live in an unbalanced sacral world (sorry Projectors, Manifestors, and Reflectors). Our standards are set to demand constant productivity and while I am personally doing my best to dispel the capitalistic hold of "hustle culture," it's definitely a thing. With this in mind, it comes as no surprise that we're socially and culturally conditioned to seek out ways to improve our energy levels.
In fact, a big reason why people are drawn to Human Design. Understanding your design gives you a window into the inner energetic workings of your being and maps out what lights you up and what is likely draining you. Human Design can provide the permission you need to unsubscribe from the exploited sacral center narrative and take naps, rest when you need to, or learn how to set healthy boundaries to avoid burnout.
Aside from the recommendations that come with honoring your energy type, following your authority and strategy, and working to balance your open and defined center themes – sleep comes into the mix. Not just recommendations to do more of it, which I ALWAYS recommend, but Human Design prescribes the importance of sleeping in alone. More specifically, sleeping in your own aura so you can properly reset and rejuvenate your energy levels.
When I first came to Human Design, this concept made my ears prick up – sleep alone? Like as a rule? Not going to lie, it triggered my "is this a New Age cult thing?" sensor. And I definitely will say, I have heard some practitioners flaunt this as a hard and fast rule and use scare tactics to make their followers feel they are throwing their energy down the drain if they don't have individual rooms for everyone in their home. But I have also heard practitioners offer it as a potential experiment – something people can try if they feel called to it and observe the results. Erin Claire Jones does a wonderful job at acknowledging that it may also not be economically feasible for people to have multi-roomed living spaces, but that doesn't make understanding this concept off-limits to anyone.
To be honest, I never planned to dig much deeper into this idea but I came to discover that this concept has been circulating in the metaphysical space for some time. To understand the why behind this idea, let's explore the concept according to Human Design and bring in the threads from astrology and energy healing.
*As a disclaimer, I want to make clear that if you are struggling with your health or relationship dynamics, please seek out professional medical advice. This information is in no way meant to replace medical treatment. *
Why Sleep Alone? According to Human Design
Human Design and other studies of subtle body energetics highlight the fact that we are constantly interacting with other people's energy, auras, defined/open centers, gates, channels, etc. This is most easily shown in partnership readings – synastry in Astrology – where two charts are overlaid and you can see where you share, give or receive emotional, mental, and physical energy with another.
The basic idea at play here is we are being constantly conditioned to inhabit and take on other people's energy and as a result, we lose touch with what we want and need. In the International Human Design School's (IHDS) course on Partnership Analysis, Alan Krakower (Ra Uru Hu), the founder of Human Design, states, " Just think about any Center you don't have and you're sleeping with somebody who has it. Think about the pressure that's being applied and think about all of that pressure operating inside of you when you're not conscious. It is a basic recommendation in Human Design."
To elaborate on this – if you are a Projector with no defined sacral and a lot of openness in your chart and your partner is a Manifesting Generator who has 7/9 centers defined, it is highly likely that you will strive to match their energy levels and feel immense pressure to do all the activities, chores, tasks, you name it that your partner does. The difference is, at the end of the day, the Manifesting Generator will probably have more energy to spare while you the Projector are exhausted and chugging Red Bull because you assume something is wrong with you if they can't keep up with your partner.
I hear this sort of story all the time and while the pressures from every open/undefined to defined center can bring up certain "not-self" themes, sacral conditioning is baked in our societal narrative. Projectors, Manifestors, and Reflectors (all of which have open or undefined sacral centers) are rarely out of range of sacral conditioning and that shows up as a chronic theme of not knowing when enough is enough. Rest is already taboo in our culture now add on the fact that your energetic makeup is not designed to maintain high levels of consistent output ... burnout city. And this isn't just a non-sacral type problem, Generators and Manifesting Generators are equally subject to exhaustion as others assume they have unlimited energy. Without the proper sacral response to a task, a Generator or Manifesting Generator will be rapidly drained as well.
Now we get to the question of sleep. So after spending the day pushing yourself in ways that either do or do not honor your Human Design, personal desires, or energetic availability, you come home and crawl into bed. If you are sharing a sleeping space with someone else, you don't get a break from energetic conditioning. Your defined sacral activates your partner's open sacral making them restless or your open emotional center is downloading your partner's emotional wave and you amplify the turmoil of their day. It goes on.
In another section of IHDS course titled "The Curse of the Bedroom," Ra – rather bluntly – goes on to say, "As long as I've been a professional analyst I have never had a reading in which I didn't say to somebody, 'Don't sleep in the same bed as your partner. When the honeymoon is over, it never has to end if you have separate bedrooms. You can always have a romance. You can always enjoy your love, your sex life, whatever, but you're 'contaminating' each other's auras while you're unconscious.' I think it's one of the most essential ingredients and a tremendous piece of advice."
While I reject the idea of energetic "contamination" as it plays to a rather primal fear response, the idea that you can swap energy with another while asleep stands. By sleeping in your own space, you are able to clear out your open centers and reconnect to what it feels like to be alone in your energy. When you're first learning about your Human Design and digging into the habits, patterns, or behaviors you may have picked up from others, sleeping alone can help you build the foundation you need to affirm what is yours.
The Astrological Influence on Energy
The idea that we are energetically attuned to specific energies and mixing your energy cocktail with another could lead to issues is not original to Human Design. Stephen Arroyo writes about the benefits of sleeping in one's own space in Astrology, Psychology, and the Four Elements. (1978) Arroyo's take is from an elemental view, considering the astrological birth chart of individuals. Arroyo writes, "On the level of normal experience, any relationship may be viewed as the interaction of two energy fields." He continues, "An analysis of the harmony of the elements in the chart comparison reveals how and where two people are able to feed each other's energy field, as well as how the two block each other's energy flow and therefore frustrate one another." (pg. 145)
Breaking the zodiac signs into water, fire, air, and earth placements, the birth chart can show you what sort of energetic themes you are more or less attuned to. For example, water signs are associated with healing and emotional depth while air signs correspond to the mental realms. Earth signs are focused on working with the material realm while fire signs focus on ambitions and passions.
Arroyo reinforces this idea by citing the book Born to Heal which follows the story of energy healer Mr. A, an American man who came up during the Great Depression. Mr. A was known for his ability to tune into and stimulate the life force energy of any individual to heal them of nearly all ailments you can imagine. Claiming to get his healing instructions from what he calls "The Powers," an unseen universal wisdom that resides in the atmosphere of Earth. (It is interesting to note here that in The Black Book – one of the original Human Design books – Ra claims that Personality Crystal Bundles, what we may consider to be our soul, reside in the Earth's atmosphere as well.) Mr. A claimed that being around people who have similar astrological placements would naturally rejuvenate depleted energy.
After giving numerous examples from couples or families he has worked with, Arroyo writes, "Many living together situations are improved and the health of one or both people takes an upturn if the two people sleep in different bedrooms. This is an especially useful change to make if the two are of radically different attunement... The reason for this is that, if two people are sleeping in the same room (and especially if they are in the same bed), their energy fields are constantly interacting throughout the night, either vitalizing each other or depleting the other's energy reservoir." He continues, "I personally know many people who have complained of the devitalizing effects of sleeping with their partner and whose energy picked up markedly when they slept in different rooms. On the other hand, I have also known cases where the people vitalize each other so much during the night that they each need no more than six hours sleep and are always in splendid health."
Unlike the founder of Human Design who is adamant about the hard and fast rule of sleeping in separate rooms, Arroyo admits that there are always exceptions.
So What Should You Do?
First and foremost, I'd like to reiterate that if you are having serious health issues or struggles in your relationship, I would advise you to seek out professional help.
I will personally say that I have not experienced any difference in my vitality or energy levels based on the astrological or Human Design makeup of the people I share a living or sleeping space with. In fact, of all the roommates I've had, non-sacral Air signs are by and large my favorite. All through college, I lived with a Projector, air sign – in small college dorms so very much overlapping auras – and I currently live with a Manifestor, air sign. As a water dominant Generator, I don't feel the need to isolate myself to sleep in my aura. What I do enjoy, however, is taking time for myself every day. Creating a routine where I can be in my own energy, process and release anything that isn't mine, and very mindfully and intentionally choose what other energy I want to experience.
So, along with this boatload of background information on why it is recommended that you sleep alone – I will leave you with some opportunities for contemplation.
If you choose to sleep in your own space or share a space with another, do you notice a difference?
Does this idea feel empowering to you?
Is there a part of you that feels compelled to follow the rule of sleeping in your own aura or only interacting with similar elemental signs out of fear? Have a conversation with that part.
Do you allow yourself space and time to explore your own energy? What does that feel like?
How can you make time to enjoy your purest energy expression on a daily basis?
Ultimately, the goal here is to increase your self-awareness and ability to tune into how your personal energy feels in your own body. It's a process of observation. If you sleep in a separate room and that empowers you to notice the subtle changes in yourself, wonderful but it shouldn't stop there. You still need to bring your conscious awareness to the subtle clues and experiences of intaking other people's energies throughout the day to build enough contrast to make it second nature to do so.
Through all the work I've done on myself and through sessions with others, the biggest key to increasing your energy levels is being true to yourself.* Building a relationship of trust with your body and intuition so you can have your own back and give yourself what you need to avoid feeling drained or burnt out. Your only loyalty is to your own energy and yourself.
*and also if I haven't said it enough, AND seeking out medical advice when needed.